CARING OR CONTROLLING

Nneka and Isaac Moses

Learn to distinguish caring from controlling. Some of us think we are in a caring relationship ( all kinds from marriage to employment to friendship to dating ). What we fail to realize is its actually a controlling, manipulative relationship which has a super tendency of a false appearance as care. The problem is you have been in it too long you can't tell the difference.

If you spend your life living in the opinions of someone you will never advance pass their limit. A caring person will accept who you are, A controlling person will impose who they are and see a problem with almost everything you naturally are.

A caring person will not only laugh with you on your blunder but also laugh it off while chiping in a correction. A controlling person however will maliciously correct you and laugh at you both in your face and behind. Even as far as reminding you of your mistake in front of people that are familiar with them but complete strangers to you just to show themselves as know at all and you as someone under their wings.

As long you are doing everything they want they have little problems with you ( I say little problems, because a controlling person is never satisfied with anyone even themselves. They only pretend to others they are the one and greatest role model )

FOR COUPLES AND THOSE ABOUT TO GET MARRIED

FOR OUR MEN:

Carry your wife to the bed when she sleeps off in the sitting room, make her feel like a baby at times. The truth is, every woman wants to be treated like a 2yrs old girl at times, that's why women behave childish or silly at times.

You may have an argument with your wife and the next thing is that you will see her putting her bags outside the house, it doesn't mean she is asking for a divorce, she is just being childish, she simply wants you to hold her, look her in the eyes and say "I am sorry for the argument".

That's women for you. Every brother needs to study in the university of women before getting married, read books about them, learn what the Bible says about them and you will hardly have a problem with them.

Though there may still be some challenges, because you're both from different background and your imperfections are bound to stand.

So, read books about marriage, an ideal home, child upbringing, importance of marriage and the likes. Don't just jump into marriage with an empty head about matrimony, you will have problems.

How many men can tolerate their wives nagging let alone shouting? It's said that, you should be quiet when your spouse is angry, when one person is fire, the other person should be water.

Brothers, when your wife steps on your feet intentionally or mistakenly, don't let your eyes turn red, just smile at her, if she did it intentionally, she is just playing with you, if she did it mistakenly, its not her fault. So why shout at her over every small mistake?

As a man learn to ignore some things, don't be petty. Some men are feminist; Do "hide and seek" with your wife, sing poems for your wife in the garden or inside the house, even if she is teasing you.

Assist her in the house chores, pound yam, fetch water, don't make her look like your maid. Bathe together, wake her up for prayers, swim with her if it's available, cook together, teach her how to cook if she doesn't know how to cook. Cooking is not the ticket to Paradise. It's not only a feminine duty.

Use blind folds to cover her eyes and tickle her, scare her at times, call her from work/ school, text her, write "I love you" in a small note and put it under her pillow or in her purse or in her bathroom or in her cosmetics box or inside her cupboard. Kiss her always, cuddle her, pamper her and play with her hair. Always tell her, she's beautiful and that you're happy to have her as your partner.

All these are part of being romantic...When a woman tells you that you are not romantic. It means you are not doing all these things, its not the romance in the bedroom she is talking about. That's why, you brothers have to study "women's language" it's a 10 year course.

FOR LADIES:

It is part of your duty to be romantic too. Your shyness shouldn't get to your marital life and that doesn't mean you should be shy to express your love to your husband.

Send sweet text messages to your husband at work, sometimes even if you are in the room discussing with your husband, still be chatting with him on social media (Facebook, Whatsapp, Viber, Imo, bbm etc) even though he is right in front of you, it's fun and romantic! Discuss how lovely he is on your facebook timeline, this will trip him a lot.

You should be chatting with your husband, not other men on social media networks.

Buy flowers for him. When eating, give him the biggest meat. At times, bake cake for him to surprise him. Ladies, use your soft voice to sing for him, be creative, a poem like (twinkle, twinkle lovely spouse, how I wonder what you are, up above my world so high, like a diamond in my heart).

Sing poems for him, no shyness is allowed. Don't just be welcoming your husband with an angry face because there is no money in the house, God is our provider. Don't welcome your husband with your body smelling maggi, don't only play with your husband when he receives his salary.

Welcome him with a warm hug always, and when he is going to work, pray to God to keep him safe and for him to be successful. Support him, advise him, wipe his tears, be grateful to him, it's not easy to be a man, when you see his faith waxing cold, encourage him, don't threaten him that you will seek for divorce, don't compare him with other men, buy him gifts, wash his clothes, sing for him, praise him in a way that he wouldn't think of an alternative, be the best cook, wash his car if u have the time, dress him up, pamper him when he is sick.

Wake him with a peck and don't complain about his snoring habit.

Let kiss be the messenger between you. Read books on intimacy, don't learn it from what you see in movies..

Most of what you see there are not real. Call your husband pet names. Though you can also call him by his name even if he is 30yrs older than you, as far as he is comfortable with it.

Remember that, God said, men are the protectors and maintainers of women. So respect him and honour him even if he is younger than you. Marriage isn't a bed of roses but a bed of sacrifice. It's said that, there is nothing better for two people who love each other than marriage.

To fall in love is a disease and its cure is to marry the person one is in love with. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion and the romance and you find out you still care for that person.

Finally, married men, divide your nights into 3: one for yourself (sleeping), one for your wife and one for your Lord.. That's the best night one can ever have.

LOVE MAKING IS ONLY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE. IF U CAN'T HOLD BACK, PLZ GET MARRIED.

I WISH YOU LOVE.